You Don’t Need to Shut Your 2016 Door

We all have good years and bad years. Some bad days can last not only for a few days, but for some, it can last a few years. Some years, you feel like you’re on top of the world.

A year is but a number in the thousands. We have let many of those years pass us by. A year is simply made up of months, weeks, days, hours and seconds. We must live in the moment. We must live with each moment being the best moment ever.

Love people. Forgive each other. Care and kindness should always be at the forefront of our minds. Teach that to yourself, your friends and your children.

On this 31st of December, 2016, at 11:59:59, take that step into the new year that you can still cherish the good of all the years you’ve had, and turn around all the bad you’ve experienced. We can do that in the very next second.  Because we all want to be happy, we all want good memories.

If we can’t change what is happening around us, we can change our state of mind. 

Let’s ask ourselves everyday:

“What can I do TODAY to show someone I love them?”

“What can I do or let go off – to bring peace into my life?”

“What am I going to do to pursue my own happiness?”

 

I wish you all a very Happy New Year – filled with happiness, strength, courage and compassion!

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Is Happiness Really The Best Revenge?

They say “Happiness is the best revenge”. But after a certain point, I wonder, does the pursuit of revenge make one truly happy?

I’m writing from the point of being divorced about 7 years ago. Then I remarried and had another couple of kids. When I got divorced, my depression spiraled to the depths of hell. The property settlement and child custody battle with my ex husband took a bashing on my mental health. Then I read somewhere that the best revenge was to be happy. To appear happy was the best I could come up with at the start.

After years of working on my own mental health, I learnt that showing my ex husband that I was happy, wasn’t actually making me happy at all. It felt like a competition in my own head that I had to make sure he knew how great my life was. I had to make sure I did everything I could to outdo his own happiness. And the competition was draining.

Of course, I wasn’t exactly pretending. My life – since I left him, really is great. I’m married to a man that is amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better man, husband, father and step father to our children. But somehow, I still kinda wanted my ex husband to know that I was doing fantastic – without him.

When you see children playing at the park with their best friends, you see pure happiness in their faces. They don’t try and pretend to be happy in order for their other friends to think they’re happy. They’re just happy.

That’s when I realized how silly I was.

Did my ex husband care about my current happiness? Probably, most likely – No. So why was I trying to prove something that didn’t need proving?

So over the last 4-5 years, I decided to just be happy. For me. I worked on myself. I still continually find ways to make my life better, to learn to be comfortable with who I am. To concentrate on my own happiness, which led to everything else pretty much falling into place.

Revenge became irrelevant to me. Revenge put a negative slant to my own pursuit of happiness. The need for revenge made my ex still part of my life. And so I decided that revenge, isn’t for me.

And dare I say… I’m even happy for my ex. I’m happy he has a family and new additions as well. 

So “Is happiness really the best revenge”? It may work at the beginning, when you’re still angry… And being angry… is not being happy. You don’t see truly happy people going out seeking revenge. But you can fake it til you make it.

Don’t forget to actually work towards your own happiness and inner peace. Once that is achieved, revenge is no longer relevant, nor will it be in the forefront of your mind.

Pursue happiness for YOU. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WE ALL NEED OPPOSITION IN OUR LIVES

WE ALL NEED OPPOSITION IN OUR LIVES.

Without opposition, how else would we then know we are 100% right?

Without opposition, how else can we be sure we’ve explored all other possibilities?

Without opposition, how else would we know that our perspective is the one and only true perspective?

We can all get too comfortable and set in our ways of thinking…. Until someone opposes it. That makes us uneasy, upset or angry, doesn’t it?

But you can challenge it and it doesn’t always have to be viewed as conflict.

We will either know how right we’ve always been, or we can thank that person for opening our eyes.

Believe it or not, it can be a wonderful thing when someone tells you that you’re wrong. Two things can happen – You bring up all the facts you’ve learnt and tell them everything you know about it.

Or you can stop talking… And just listen.

You can choose to either see it as conflict, or you can choose to see it as an opportunity to learn something new.

-Sharon

Exercising Makes You Feel Better!

The other day I said I’ve started to do something about my weight. I love love love food. Cheese, fried chicken, noodles, rice, curries etc. I cringe at the thought of eating anything that resembles healthy-eating. “I’m not eating rabbit food.” – is my normal go to excuse. I’m not a big drinker, but I’m a big eater.

So what’s the other alternative? I’ve started exercising. I used to say to everyone that I exercise “solo”. I’d put on my headphones and go for a run. I used to love it so much. Just being on my own. But over the last few years I lack the motivation and the time or time management skills to actually get out of the house to go for a run on my own. Family came first. Then cooking meals or catching up with friends for coffee was waaaay more important. Oh and joining the gym is just financially not possible.

Then the weight piled on. I went off my meds, hated my body etc etc

One day my friend Kerry asked to join her for a 30 min exercise class at the park. It was fantastic, I was sore for days. So I put on my personal FB page “Who wants to train with me? It’s only for 30 mins!” And I was so happy that quite of few of them said YES!

The moral of the story is, it’s so much better exercising in a group, especially if it’s with your fellow sisters. ASK your friends to do this with you, and if they do, EVERYBODY WINS. It’s sociable, great for your mental health and you get to lose weight.

Look for exercise groups in your local area. Then drag a friend or a group of friends with you. Our trainer charges us $5 per session and it’s only for 30mins (for a high intensity work out). We take our kids with us and they play together while the mums work out. You might even make new friends.

And remember, ACTIVE WEAR IS OPTIONAL 😂 T-shirt and shorts is fine. Nobody actually needs fancy active wear to exercise.

Today’s session, someone said, “Oops I peed a little” and we all burst into giggles. Our trainer nearly swallowed a fly and we all cracked up.

Take the first step. Ask your friends. I did. I had a shit day yesterday. But I feel great today. Let’s motivate each other ❤️ One day at a time ❤️

 

#MyRescuePlan

So Adam and I talked about having a “rescue plan”.

I’ve been on and off my meds for a few years. Every time I went off them, I had no real plan to deal with the aftereffects and the withdrawals. I would wait for the side effects to happen and then the meltdowns. I can handle the physical effects (head zaps and wobbles) but the mental ones were really hard. I didn’t know how to cope, and Adam didn’t either.

We talked about it last night, about how to deal with these uncontrollable meltdowns – when my state of mind is all hazy and messy and all over the place. When I’m like that, nothing Adam could say would help me. So I came up with a plan. A “rescue plan”. For days like I had a few days ago.

The plan is for Adam to first recognise the signs. Then this:

Don’t offer solutions
Don’t say only I can fix this
Don’t remind me it’s my depression (because I already know that)
Don’t tell me to “calm down”
Don’t be defensive – It’s not about you

INSTEAD

Be soft with me
Tell me you “get it”, you understand
Let me ramble, even if you don’t know what I’m rambling on about
Hold me tight while I cry
Kiss me
Stroke my hair
Offer to take me out for a meal, just the two of us
Go for a walk with me, hold my hand or put your arm around me
Tell me you love me ❤️

Please remember I’m not telling anyone to go off their meds if it’s working for them. This post is for anyone who ISN’T on their meds. This doesn’t have to be targeted to husbands only. This could be for partners, parents, friends who are here to support you. Come up with your own “rescue plan” and the plans can ALWAYS be changed and altered ❤️

Please please please share 🙏🏼

#myrescueplan #postnataldepression #awareness

I Should Be Happy With My Body But I’m Not

I’ve seen plenty of positive body image videos and campaigns on Facebook and social media sources – enough to make me believe I should be happy with my own body.

I should. But I’m not.

Now I know I’m not overweight, nor am I obese. But my body makes me very unhappy. I feel like my mind is completely separate from my body. I’m outgoing, happy and positive with every other aspect of my life. I’m confident and strong, and there’s never a moment in my life where I’m bored. I’m constantly busy.

But when it comes to my body, I am embarrassed, I’m depressed and I hate it with a passion. I look in my full length mirror everyday and I hate what I see. I criticise just about every part of my physical self. My tummy, after 4 pregnancies, has been stretched like a shade sail over a family sized swimming pool.

I’ve told some of my friends about it and whether they’re being kind to me or if they actually do mean it, I don’t believe a word they’re saying to me when they say I still look great, or that I’m the perfect size etc etc. A few days ago a friend of mine said to me, very gently, that I’ve got serious body image issues. Yes, I know I do.

I’ve been so down with my body that at times I’ve cried to my husband, asking me why he’s still married to me. That he could be with someone so much thinner and fitter than me.

I know this may seem ridiculous to some. I know I’m UNdoing the work of many women who fight hard to tell the world that we have to accept and be happy with who we are. I know that I should be an example to everyone in my life, to show them that life is not all about your dress size.

At the moment, I can’t do it. I hate that I’ve allowed myself to get to the weight that I am now.

As a young woman, I could out-eat my two brothers. I could eat anything, whenever I wanted, and not put on an ounce. It’s a totally different story now. My metabolism has slowed down as I’ve gotten older. I still appreciate rich foods (ok, mainly KFC lol) and as an adult, I allow myself to give in to whatever I am craving at the time. The weight has now piled on.

But I want to say this. I’ve started doing something about it. If you’re happy with your body, great. If you’re not, the only way to deal with it is to do something about it. I’ve put off exercise for the last 3 years. I go through stages of going out for a run for a week, then I stop for 6 months. But this time, I’m taking charge of my own body. I’m not proud of mine right now and I want to be. I want to be happy with my body again. And it starts now.

I Baked My Son’s Birthday Cake, And It Was Awesome

That, my friends, is a happy face. He didn’t see a single crack in his cake, he didn’t see any of the imperfections that I focused on and he didn’t see the stress I was in nor hear the swear words that came out of my mouth.

All he saw was an amazing Thomas the Tank cake that his mum made, and spent the day with all his friends playing and jumping on a big bouncy castle that we hired.

Yesterday was a very special day for him. He’s been invited to so many birthday parties this year, and could not understand why he couldn’t keep any of the presents and wasn’t allowed to blow out the candles.

We spent months going to Big W looking at Thomas the Tank toys and I had to tell him he had to wait for his birthday. And not once, did he ever throw a tantrum.

And so yesterday, he got to blow out his candles on his cake. He was over the moon. And when it was time to open presents, with EVERY single present, he asked me “Is this mine? Is this one for me?” (And there were a lot of presents lol)

I wanna thank all my friends who turned up yesterday, it was really special for all of us, especially for our little Luke. He woke up this morning still on a high (probably from all the sugar he had lol) ❤️

To all the parents who make their own cakes, or buy their cakes or buy a woolies cake with sprinkles on it, thank you for being you, for wanting your child to be happy on their special day.

This is my Facebook post prior to this blog! https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2F120fingersandtoes%2Fposts%2F1113081225396468&width=500