Could I Really Kill Someone? 

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I had to help 2 other women kill a man. In this dream, this man was not a good person. I’m not sure why he wasn’t a good man, but in this dream, I was convinced that he had to be killed. 

It was only the last couple of years that I’ve not been scared to do things in my dreams. I used to wake myself up if I was scared. But lately, I’ve been brave enough to face my fears in my dreams. 

So I dreamt that I picked up a weapon (I cannot recall what kind it was), and I used it to kill him. I don’t remember how I killed him, but I remember that I did it. I felt no remorse killing him, in fact, I felt like I really helped those two other women. 

After I killed him, I had to hide his body. 
That’s when the panic set in. I was gonna get caught. The police came to the crime scene but I hid at a nearby cafe. The other two women talked to the police and told them they had no idea where that man I killed had went. 

Somehow I managed to escape questioning by the police. 

The dream ended with me getting away with murder. And it felt good. 

What the hell does this mean about my subconscious thoughts? 

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Is Happiness Really The Best Revenge?

They say “Happiness is the best revenge”. But after a certain point, I wonder, does the pursuit of revenge make one truly happy?

I’m writing from the point of being divorced about 7 years ago. Then I remarried and had another couple of kids. When I got divorced, my depression spiraled to the depths of hell. The property settlement and child custody battle with my ex husband took a bashing on my mental health. Then I read somewhere that the best revenge was to be happy. To appear happy was the best I could come up with at the start.

After years of working on my own mental health, I learnt that showing my ex husband that I was happy, wasn’t actually making me happy at all. It felt like a competition in my own head that I had to make sure he knew how great my life was. I had to make sure I did everything I could to outdo his own happiness. And the competition was draining.

Of course, I wasn’t exactly pretending. My life – since I left him, really is great. I’m married to a man that is amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better man, husband, father and step father to our children. But somehow, I still kinda wanted my ex husband to know that I was doing fantastic – without him.

When you see children playing at the park with their best friends, you see pure happiness in their faces. They don’t try and pretend to be happy in order for their other friends to think they’re happy. They’re just happy.

That’s when I realized how silly I was.

Did my ex husband care about my current happiness? Probably, most likely – No. So why was I trying to prove something that didn’t need proving?

So over the last 4-5 years, I decided to just be happy. For me. I worked on myself. I still continually find ways to make my life better, to learn to be comfortable with who I am. To concentrate on my own happiness, which led to everything else pretty much falling into place.

Revenge became irrelevant to me. Revenge put a negative slant to my own pursuit of happiness. The need for revenge made my ex still part of my life. And so I decided that revenge, isn’t for me.

And dare I say… I’m even happy for my ex. I’m happy he has a family and new additions as well. 

So “Is happiness really the best revenge”? It may work at the beginning, when you’re still angry… And being angry… is not being happy. You don’t see truly happy people going out seeking revenge. But you can fake it til you make it.

Don’t forget to actually work towards your own happiness and inner peace. Once that is achieved, revenge is no longer relevant, nor will it be in the forefront of your mind.

Pursue happiness for YOU. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas Rescue Plan

5 more sleeps til Christmas.

To many, it’s a joyous occasion and they can’t wait to spend the day opening presents with their family and their loved ones. Spending time with people they love and care about, and an opportunity to catch up with people they don’t get to see very often.

To some, it can be a very anxious time of the year. You may feel like you have to spend the day with people that are negative or are quite toxic to you and your family. Maybe some of them have made it very clear to you that they “just don’t like you”. Some of you may feel like you haven’t got a choice, you’ve got to just suck it up and play “happy families” with everyone on this one day that is meant to be happy and joyous. Some of you may have decided that this is the year you’re going to “do our own thing”.

Either way, don’t forget to protect your own sanity, your own safe space in your head. Choose what you want to do on that day, choose to make that decision where you’re not going to let certain people get to you and how you are going to react to those people.

It is not them that is going to affect your version of Christmas Day. It is YOUR reaction that will affect it. Keep calm and enjoy the day the best way you can. Come up with #myrescueplan, think about how you’re going to deal with difficult people – in a positive manner for YOU. Think about it NOW, before Christmas Day, so you don’t react in a negative way at the last minute. Or they will win, by ruining YOUR day. Protect yourself and your family. And find a way to enjoy this day.

 

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I Screamed At My Husband and He Didn’t Deserve It

I screamed at my husband on the phone this morning. He didn’t deserve it.

As some of you may know, I’ve come off my meds. It’s been about 2 months now that I’ve been completely off them. Most days I can handle. And when they’re really good, I keep thinking I should put up a positive blog on here to let everyone know that it’s all good. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to jinx it.

Last couple of weeks have been hectic and quite the strain on me emotionally and physically. More so emotionally. I’m letting idiots get to me. I’m letting people from every part of my life get to me. I’ve allowed people I don’t even really care about get into my head.

My kids are driving me crazy. Both toddlers and teenagers. The younger ones broke one of my favourite Christmas bells that I’ve had for 15 years. When I got home from work last night I found about a hundred (ok maybe less) sultanas all over the living room floor. And then I couldn’t find Miss 4’s school uniform, so I had to turn the house upside down. I can never seem to find anything in MY OWN HOUSE.

And the tears. The tears keep flowing.

I go to bed every night planning the next day and nothing goes to plan. Other shit keeps coming up because I can’t say no.

It’s end of the school year and I see everyone all organised with gifts for teachers. I haven’t even started and it’s the last week of school.

There is so much more but if I listed every single thing, my words would seem hazy and messy.

Last two nights at work have been mentally draining. So I let out a rant on my personal FB page about feeling so burnt out. I got so many messages from friends asking if I was ok and lending me support. So I quickly deleted that post. Last thing I’d ever want is for my friends to roll their eyeballs thinking I was being dramatic or attention seeking.

Then this morning I got a message from one of my friends, who opened up to me and was so honest in how he feels about his life. He said his life feels like it’s “wash, rinse, repeat”, and it annoys the shit out of him. Then he went on to give me the best advice “You’re a ripper Sharon. You’re a good person and the people around you enjoy your company. That’s a bloody good start. Take a small problem and make it go away, then work on the next one.”

I dropped Miss 4 off to school and went to Coles. Sat in the car for ages and stared out the window. Is it still postnatal depression? My youngest is now 3. How long is this supposed to last? Or is it no longer PND? Is it something else? Is it just “regular” depression? OR is my life just too busy?

I rang my husband on the phone in the car. I started off silent because I was all choked up. We talked about how I’m feeling. And as I’m telling him, I know those things are nothing in the grand scheme of things. But I couldn’t quite articulate it as well as I can write it. So it sounds like everything is shit. But it’s not. I don’t remember the whole conversation but it ended up with me screaming. I don’t even know what I screamed about.

I came home from Coles and there he was, Adam pulling up into the driveway. We had the same conversation in the kitchen. Everything he said or asked me, I took offense to. Naturally, he’s at a loss. I started crying again and told him it’s better if he left.

How do I explain to someone that it’s “not you, it’s me”? It’s not the untidy house, not the usual stress that we all go through, not anything that can actually be fixed. It’s my STATE OF MIND. It’s all over the place. Ask me what’s wrong and I can rattle off a list of things that’s pissing me off but I know every single thing on that list can be fixed. So what else is it?

How do I fix my mind though? Exercise? Straight jacket? Meditation? Medication? Probably. But right now, I’m just expressing my raw honesty of what’s going through my head. And the honest truth is, I don’t know what the hell is going on.

I’m okay though, really I am. I’m not suicidal (but possibly just a tad homicidal), I still love my husband and kids with every cell in my body. I don’t want any of my friends to come up to me and feel sorry for me, or even worse, see me as someone that needs fixing. If they try to fix me, I’ll probably fix their face with my fist.

Adam, I’m sorry. And thank you for coming home and I’m sorry for today. I appreciate your love and your patience. Don’t know where I’d be without you, I love you so so so much.

Friends who have sent me messages and the big warm hug I got from one of the most awesome friends I’ve got, thank you.

My state of mind right now, is all fucked up but I know I can fix this 💪🏼

Mr 3 has fallen asleep in my arms and there’s no better feeling than this. Look at that squishy face.

 

How To Live Life As A Blended Family

This is an online interview I did with 55 year old Annie. I hope her story can inspire those who are just starting out living as a blended family.

How old were you when you and your ex divorced?

Separated when I was 36, divorce went through about three years later.

What led to your divorce? Describe the marriage.

Where do I begin? Basically, I eventually just stopped loving him. The marriage started out well (as they all do). We shared the same values, had the same ambitions and loved each other. We started seeing each other after I had gone through a series of very unsuccessful relationships with men very different to him, and he swept me off my feet with his charm and complete devotion/infatuation – no one had ever been so attentive to me before!

We were only married for about six months and I fell pregnant with our first son. That’s when he started to change. I suffered from shocking morning sickness, and he didn’t cope with my sudden need for him to become the nurturer and look after me. This was the 1980’s, and men still expected women to do all the ‘looking after’. So when I was out of action, he struggled to cope. This was the first sign that things were not as perfect as I had thought.

We had the three boys within five years, bought a house, I stopped work after baby No 1, and things just got more and more difficult. He was an amazing father, completely devoted to his sons and very hands on. But, he was not a good husband. He was, I think, jealous of my relationship with my babies, wanting me to reserve all that affection for him alone. He became critical of my appearance (I gained a lot of weight after the babies and probably due to being secretly unhappy), critical of most things I did, and became an entirely different person. He worked extremely hard (six days a week) and provided very well for us all, but in doing so, we grew apart and spent very little time together.

The most significant factor in the breakdown of the marriage – was his erratic behaviour. He would be really good for a while and then slip back into weird behaviours. He sulked, laid in bed, or would storm out- crazy stuff! As it turns out, years and years after our divorce, I found out that he had in fact, been diagnosed with bipolar disorder- explains everything!

I have to accept responsibility for half of the breakdown of the marriage, it was not entirely his fault! I know I threw all my energy into my boys, I eventually gave the relationship very little attention, and I gave up on working on us as a couple. I was getting so much strange behaviour from him, that I eventually just ignored him. The more I ignored, the more he performed.

It’s very hard to tell the story in a few paragraphs, but basically, I was fooled into thinking I was marrying someone completely different from who he turned out to be. I matured, grew up and became a parent – he stayed young and hated the responsibility that came with a wife and family.

In the end, he confessed to infidelity, I think expecting me to beg him to stop, and I responded with a very firm “GET OUT”- and that was it!

How did you cope raising your three sons?

In a word – barely! No, not true. It was hard, as you can imagine, but I found it much easier being on my own with them and being able to just get on with raising them, than coping with the crazy stuff that went on with their father whilst trying to raise them!

At first, people rally around and give you lots of support, feel sorry for you, take care of you, invite you to things you normally wouldn’t be invited to, etc. That soon stops, and you find out who your real support network are. In my case, my Mum and Dad and other family members were it. Lots of ‘friends’ disappeared, and others stepped up.

There were three things that were the most difficult:

  1. Coping with the kids’ heartbreak. Whilst I stopped loving their father – they did not; and being separated from him was devastating for them. The oldest was 7, middle one 5, and the youngest 2. The two year old was fine, he became very clingy and developed a dependence on me. The five year old had started preps three days before the separation, and he became wildly angry, presenting all sorts of behavioural challenges. The seven year old was a heart breaker! He cried, and cried and cried for years. He could not understand why I didn’t want his Dad in our home, and hated having to say goodbye to him after weekends spent with him. In those days, the norm was access for Dads only every second weekend, so the kids went long periods without seeing or speaking to him. Lots of counselling, play therapy etc helped them, and me a lot. There are amazing agencies out there, designed to help kids with these sorts of issues, and I’m sure they have improved since the 1990’s.
  1. Coping with the never ending responsibility – one of the things I found the hardest. At the end of the day, every little problem, every task, every need, every difficulty, is yours and yours alone. There is NO ONE to share the burden with, so after the day’s crazy schedule had been met and the kids were finally settled for the night, I would sit alone with all that responsibility – EXHAUSTING!!! This is something I did not admit to at the time, but in hindsight it was very, very hard. There were times when I would have happily run away, but of course, the love you feel for your kids stops you even considering that.
  2. Coping with the emotional loneliness. I would often say to friends “I’m not lonely, I’m alone”. By this I meant, I was never on my own physically, in fact, I couldn’t even go to the toilet on my own. I had plenty of friends and family, and a very full life with my kids and their activities. But, I was emotionally alone. Nobody took care of my needs, nobody nurtured me, and nobody made sure I was ok – including me! This was probably the hardest thing to cope with – presenting the brave, mother / lioness face to the world, but inside, dying for some attention that was about ME, not the kids!

Did you have any support raising your sons?

Yes, I had lots of amazing support from my wonderful family. My Mum and Dad came to the rescue. Dad became the man of the house, repairing things, lawn mowing etc. But more importantly, providing an amazing role model for my boys. Mum took us all under her wing, had us over for countless meals and sleepovers, fussed and doted and basically, allowed me a break from the day to day care of three wild little men! To this day, my sons have an amazing relationship with my parents (who are now 86 and 90), and know the value of family in a different way to most young men.

There were also other friends and relatives who stepped up in a big way. As I mentioned, lots of people retreated and no longer wanted to know the ‘broken family’, but those who really cared were amazing. The Stalwarts invited us over for meals and holidays, spent time with the boys (providing activities I couldn’t afford to give them), and brought lots of fun and love into our lives.

Did their Dad see his sons?

Yes, for a long time he did, but he no longer does. Every second weekend was the norm back then, so they would pack up and go to Dad’s happily at first. Things went well, until he got himself a new partner. She was kind to the boys at first, but after a while things changed. From what they tell me, she made them feel like they were in the way, a nuisance, costing too much to feed, basically not good enough sons. She badgered them to be kinder to their father, who eventually had very little contact with them, and finally, they all stopped going to see him at all.

Having said that, there were a lot of years that they went every second weekend as little kids, the breakdown came when they were teenagers and we all know how tricky relationships with teenagers are!

How did you meet your current husband?

Would you believe, on an Internet dating sight?! After the disastrous marriage, I was determined to never go near a man again – I had never chosen well!  I was on my own for about eight years, and a friend put my profile on a dating site, and she and her husband then ‘fielded’ candidates (unbeknownst to me) and sent out ‘expressions of interest’. Thank goodness I was unaware, or I would never have met my now husband! Eventually, they convinced me to email the only one who responded and sounded half normal, so I emailed, we then spoke, arranged to catch up for coffee, and have been together ever since.

Was he divorced/ widowed at the time?

He was divorced, and had three children to two different women (two girls from one, a boy from another), so plenty of baggage!!

What were your struggles of being in a blended family?

Huge question! Well, the biggest struggle was letting go of expectations. I truly believed (perhaps naively) that love would conquer all – we loved each other, so blending the families would be easy. Again… Wrong!

Another misconception is that, because you love each other you will instantly love each other’s kids. Just like it takes time to learn to love each other, it takes time to love each other’s kids.

A huge struggle in blending our families was that it didn’t just involve the two of us and the kids. There are LOTS of other important people in the mix – other parents, exes, grandparents, partners, friends etc, and they all weighed in on the situation, causing all kinds of dramas. There was never a week went by without a drama involving someone’s mother or father, and this puts HUGE pressure on the relationship. They have, finally, all accepted the situation, or moved on and ignore us now, but during the early years this was a massive problem for us.

As mentioned above, different rules and attitudes for different kids is a very real struggle, and one that takes a lot of working out.

How did you overcome these struggles?

It took us a long time, and countless disagreements, to come to a point where we truly are a family, in every sense of the word. We are now in a place where everyone has equal importance and feels totally accepted and secure with their roles in said family.

As before mentioned, my husband was very good at letting things go unnoticed with his kids, but picking up instant faults in mine. Never maliciously, but nevertheless, a fact. On the other hand, I was so busy trying to be ”Supermum” and keep everyone happy (felt like walking on a tight rope at times!) that I turned a blind eye to this and let my kids deal with this behaviour alone, thinking that it would ‘all work itself out in the end’.

Blended Family Rule # 1 – It does not work itself out on its own!!!

It takes honesty, and lots of negotiation to make sure EVERYONE is equally important, and treasured.

We realised at a certain point, that we had both come to the relationship with different sets of parenting values, experiences and insecurities, and once we figured out what they were, we were able to work on each issue and sort them out.

Blended Family Rule # 2 – Don’t expect others to parent the same way you do.

Perseverance and honesty was really how we overcame the struggles.

Blended Family Rule # 3 – It’s incredibly important to be brave and honest about what is going on.

Despite the fear of losing the relationship you have with each other, it is paramount to be an advocate for all the kids and their happiness. In the end, if you truly love each other, it should be possible to bend and compromise – otherwise the relationship isn’t worth keeping.

Time and patience has seen us all find our places in this large, happy, loving family. The boys have gained two beautiful sisters, a brother and three amazing, adorable nephews and nieces. I have been given the gift of daughters, and grandchildren and couldn’t be happier with them all. It really is true that family relies not at all on biology, but on love.

What was it like to be a step mum at the very beginning? How did you feel?

Being a step mum has never been difficult for me. At the very beginning I just assumed that I could love these kids and do what was best for them without any issues. The two older girls were, to their credit, delightful! They had been through a couple of difficult episodes with their Dad’s partners, and at their ages, could have given me lots of grief. Instead, we became firm friends immediately. At first I assumed the role of friend and support person – careful not to step on their mum’s toes. As the years have progressed, I think we now honestly love each other as close to mother and daughter, as is possible. I am very aware that I am not their mum, and I don’t try ever to replace her, but I support them and love them and their children like a mum.

My stepson has been a different story. At first I was incredibly maternal towards him, and there were times when I spent more time with him than his mother or his father! His mum was, in a word, crazy! She disagreed, argued, stalked, manipulated and abused her way through the first ten years of our relationship. In fact, she was the number one reason why our relationship faltered at the times it did. Despite her, his relationship with me was a loving one, and he was more at home in my home than his mothers. As the years progressed, she worked on him and little by little, convinced him that he should not love me, and that he should see me as a threat to his relationship with his dad. As a result, we now have a friendly, but quite surface relationship. He is a 16 year old boy, and relationships with them are always monosyllabic, so I’m hoping we will work it out as he gets older.

I have always felt very protective and loving towards my step kids. I am strongly of the opinion that the kids should never suffer due to their parents’ mistakes. I have never played games or used them as pawns in any way, and I love them very much.

What Do You Want The World To Know?

There are a few things I would like young mums to know.

The first is that parenting / step parenting is not easy – but it is not rocket science either! From what I observe, there is enormous pressure on young parents at the moment to produce extraordinary kids, who reach every milestone on or before time, and arrive at adulthood unscathed and totally well-adjusted due to incredible knowledge and dedication from helicopter parents!

Whilst I agree totally that parenting is the hardest job you will ever do, my advice would be – don’t take it so seriously! Don’t beat yourself up because your child is not walking/talking/toilet training/reading at level 20, at the same time as some other kids – they all get there in the end. People have raised well adjusted, intelligent, successful kids through wars, depressions and world crises for thousands of years – and there were no ‘milestones’, or ‘wonder weeks’ in sight!

What is most important is the sense of love and security they get from a happy home life. The milestones they truly need to reach are the development of respect for themselves and others; the desire to be kind and give back to the society they are a part of; and the joy of knowing they are truly loved and valued.

Co-sleeping, attachment parenting, schooling, immunisation debate, and the countless other concerns you are forced to deal with seem incredibly overwhelming, and must make the job of parenting more complicated than it needs to be. I’m not saying that advances in the world’s understanding of children’s needs and stages of development are not relevant, I’m just advising to not worry eternally about stages and labels. Just have fun raising your kids – enjoy it, because it passes by in a heartbeat and the little person that you hoped would become a Brain Surgeon – is a plumber, and a happy, well adjusted, fully functional, amazing young man! Things don’t always go to plan, but they generally work out well in the end.

The second thing is that if your marriage ends; learn from it. Don’t repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship.  Learn to bend and compromise, and expect some problems. Life is not like a romantic comedy – relationships are not fairy tales or love affairs, they are sometimes difficult, sometimes messy, but always wonderful! Don’t give up on your relationship because your Prince Charming is out there somewhere – he is probably sitting on the couch next to you, just wrapped in a different package!

“I’m Sorry, I Didn’t Mean To Head-Butt You THAT HARD.”

Around 16 years ago, Jenny and Blake (not their real names) had an “on-off” relationship that lasted for 2 years. Jenny was working at a pub where she first met Blake, over a game of pool. Blake started coming to the pub more frequently and soon after, he asked Jenny out on a date. After being together for about 3 months, Jenny fell pregnant with their daughter “Amber”. Blake “had a very big head, he was very full of himself.” Jenny describes. “I was only 20 when we started going out, I thought he was 28. It was only after being together for about 10 months, when he told me he was 40. He looked very young for his age.” Jenny admitted that she used cocaine at the time, and she knew he was on crack and heroin, but didn’t know the extent of his addiction to it. “His habit got heavier, and heavier, and heavier. From then on, I tried to get out, but I just couldn’t get out.” It was too late.

“He would take me to his mum’s caravan, about half an hour from where I lived, and because I couldn’t drive, he would just take off and leave me sitting there so he could get his drugs. I would have no credit on my phone, I couldn’t ring anyone, I couldn’t get anywhere.”

The violence – Blake would punch Jenny, he tried to set her alight when she was pregnant with Amber, held a knife to her throat, threw a car seat at her, and threw ashtrays at her. He head-butted her once, in an elevator, while she was pregnant. It knocked her out cold. When she came to, all he said to her was “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to head-butt you THAT HARD.” Those were just some of the things he did to her.

Jenny says “It pisses me off when people say ‘You can get away’. You can’t. Unless you go through it yourself, you CANNOT get away. Because they mentally fuck up your head, you know what I mean? He’d threaten my life in front of his friends. He would threaten to hit my mum, or threaten to go round my sister’s house. So obviously, I’d go back to him, to protect MY family.” She recalls one of her closest male friends at the time had said to her, “I can’t believe how he bullies you.”

“He was the most nastiest person ever. But to everybody else, he was a top guy. He was like Jekyll and Hyde. No one knew what he was really like.”

She moved out several times, but he would always eventually find her. She tried to move to her sister’s house, and he would come knocking on her door in the middle of the night. “It wasn’t fair on my sister. So I had to go back (to him).”

When Jenny went into early labour with Amber, Blake got caught in a stolen car at the same time. So Blake was in prison, while Jenny had their daughter in hospital. When he was released from prison, he said to her that the first thing he wanted to do when he got out, was to see his daughter. But instead, he went off to buy drugs.

And sadly, the same thing happened on Christmas Day. Jenny was left alone with Amber, while Blake went off searching for drugs.

“He used to steal all the money that I earned. He’d go missing for days but if I went out for a night, I wasn’t allowed to do that. The people who actually stuck up for me were the people I worked with at the pub. They’d seen him try to run me over with his car. But I knew if my friends did anything to help me, it would only cause me more trouble. I’d say to them, ‘If you’re gonna do it, you’re gonna have to kill him. There’s no other way it can be done.”

After Amber was born, Jenny fell pregnant pretty much straight away again with their second daughter. Blake had only seen Amber only about 3 times since she was born. And because there was so much violence in their relationship, Jenny would quite often leave Amber with other people. “I didn’t want her to be around him. So Amber and I didn’t really have a ‘mum and daughter connection’. Sometimes I’d have to stay at a friend’s house or sometimes I had to stay at my house to protect what I had, because he would take everything out and sell it.”

“Once I barricaded the front door, and I thought I sealed all the windows, but he still managed to find his way through the back of the house. He got through and I had nowhere to hide. I got absolutely battered. I ran out and he chased me down the road, I jumped over a wall before he rammed his car into the wall.”

Jenny says she doesn’t believe in God, but “He must’ve been looking down at me that day. I’ll never forget the day when I found out he was dead.”

She first got a phone call from a close friend to say that Blake had been arrested for stolen goods. Her friend picked her up from where she was and they drove past where the police supposedly had arrested him. Then she noticed the police tape surrounding the area. That was when she found out that he had died.

“I remember bursting out crying because I was so happy. I remember thinking ‘I’m finally free’. To me, it was the best thing in my life. The next few days were a bit hazy. I found out that the police were chasing after him, and he had some crack, in little bags, that he was hiding in his mouth. He ran, and jumped into a river. He hid in a gap under a boat propeller, he hid underneath that, and it was freezing cold.”

“There were three different stories to his death. One, is he died in the water. Another one was he died on the way to the hospital, and the other was he died at the hospital. Because he was well known by the police, and the police hated him anyway, so nobody really pushed to see the real cause of his death.”

There were at least 500 people at Blake’s funeral and so many flowers there for him. Jenny even remembers the caretaker asking her if Blake was a “gangster.” “The thing was, everybody hated him. He was such a nasty person, but nobody would ever say it to him. Everybody was so scared of him.”

What Do You Want The World To Know?

“When people say you can get out… You can’t. Unless you go through it yourself, you physically cannot get away. When they’re doing all that to you and your family, the first thing you do is to protect your own family.

My advice is – As soon as he lays that one finger on you, is to get out. Because they’ll never change. The very first time it happens, even if it’s just a raised hand and doesn’t touch you, you need to leave. You need to get out. Because it’ll never stop.

To this day, if he was still alive, I know for a fact, 100%, I would still be stuck there now, or I’d be dead.”

My Thoughts

Jenny is now happily married. Her daughters are grown up and fortunately for them, with their father’s death, they can now live a life without fear.

 

Lessons And Values Start At Home

 

The American Elections have consumed my life for a few weeks. Today, it consumed my whole day. I must have refreshed my Twitter feed every 5 minutes (or less). And now, the American people have spoken, and they’ve said they want Trump as their leader.

It doesn’t matter who I support, nor does my opinion on either candidate, actually matters. When Trump won, I saw the panic that many Hillary supporters are experiencing.

People are saying:

“Donald Trump didn’t win today. Hate won. Fear won. Racism won. Sexism won. Homophobia won. Prejudice won. Self interest won.”

“How do I explain to my children that it’s ok to be a sexist and a bigot?”

“How do I look into my daughter’s eyes and tell her that it’s ok to be talked down to, to be regarded as a sex object?”

“It’s hard to feel sorry for women who voted for Trump and find themselves getting groped on the daily.”

“America went from electing a black president to electing a racist one. This is truly disappointing.”

The list of doubt and fear go on and on and on.

The questions and opinions against Trump’s personality has now become a huge focus on how the world is going to be in the future – How we are going to explain to our children what kind of person has just been elected as the new POTUS.

Where do we go from here, as individuals of the human race? What do we do from now on?

Trump may be the new American leader, but it doesn’t mean it should ever change who YOU are.

Before Trump – Racists, homophobes, bigots and sexists already exist. They’ve been here from the beginning of time. These people can be Republicans, and they can be Democrats. Just because Trump has been elected, it doesn’t mean these people will suddenly come out of their holes. They’ve ALWAYS been here. We have all come across these individuals from time to time. And they’d still be here even if Clinton was elected. If a female president had been elected, it will not make serial rapists change their ways. It will not make homophobes start hugging gays. People don’t suddenly change their views just because there is a new leader. Will it justify their views? Maybe. But they have always been the same, no matter what.

But we, as human beings, are becoming smarter and stronger. We all can have a voice if we choose to shout it out. This is what’s happened today. The people have spoken. Right or wrong, the results are clear. People now have access to more information, they have a bigger voice and will now fight for their cause, whatever their cause is.

So I ask myself what happens now? I say it should always start… At home.

Teach your children and your grandchildren, not to be sexists. Teach them respect for each other. Teach them that they are responsible for their actions. And those actions – are for the greater good. However, don’t take shit from someone else. Stand up for yourself. Don’t let anyone put you down or tell you that you don’t belong here. Also, don’t be an asshole. Be a good person.

These things need to be taught AT HOME first. They need to live and breathe – care, compassion and respect for their fellow human being, whatever the colour, gender and sexual orientation. Teach them, that if they can, they have to work for what they want. They have to work to achieve the things they want it life. And when the time comes, they’ll know what’s right and what’s wrong.

I’m a nobody. I just write the occasional blog, I work part time, and spend the rest of my time with my family. What I say will not affect Americans nor will it affect the world. All I know is, whatever I teach MY children, will affect the way they think, and the way they act. My children, are MY responsibility. Hopefully, it will shape them into pretty decent human beings. And so I choose wisely, the values that I want instilled into them.

Do not use Trump’s win as a means to question how you would parent your child. YOU parent your child, not Trump.

 

 

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