Could I Really Kill Someone? 

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I had to help 2 other women kill a man. In this dream, this man was not a good person. I’m not sure why he wasn’t a good man, but in this dream, I was convinced that he had to be killed. 

It was only the last couple of years that I’ve not been scared to do things in my dreams. I used to wake myself up if I was scared. But lately, I’ve been brave enough to face my fears in my dreams. 

So I dreamt that I picked up a weapon (I cannot recall what kind it was), and I used it to kill him. I don’t remember how I killed him, but I remember that I did it. I felt no remorse killing him, in fact, I felt like I really helped those two other women. 

After I killed him, I had to hide his body. 
That’s when the panic set in. I was gonna get caught. The police came to the crime scene but I hid at a nearby cafe. The other two women talked to the police and told them they had no idea where that man I killed had went. 

Somehow I managed to escape questioning by the police. 

The dream ended with me getting away with murder. And it felt good. 

What the hell does this mean about my subconscious thoughts? 

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Exercising Makes You Feel Better!

The other day I said I’ve started to do something about my weight. I love love love food. Cheese, fried chicken, noodles, rice, curries etc. I cringe at the thought of eating anything that resembles healthy-eating. “I’m not eating rabbit food.” – is my normal go to excuse. I’m not a big drinker, but I’m a big eater.

So what’s the other alternative? I’ve started exercising. I used to say to everyone that I exercise “solo”. I’d put on my headphones and go for a run. I used to love it so much. Just being on my own. But over the last few years I lack the motivation and the time or time management skills to actually get out of the house to go for a run on my own. Family came first. Then cooking meals or catching up with friends for coffee was waaaay more important. Oh and joining the gym is just financially not possible.

Then the weight piled on. I went off my meds, hated my body etc etc

One day my friend Kerry asked to join her for a 30 min exercise class at the park. It was fantastic, I was sore for days. So I put on my personal FB page “Who wants to train with me? It’s only for 30 mins!” And I was so happy that quite of few of them said YES!

The moral of the story is, it’s so much better exercising in a group, especially if it’s with your fellow sisters. ASK your friends to do this with you, and if they do, EVERYBODY WINS. It’s sociable, great for your mental health and you get to lose weight.

Look for exercise groups in your local area. Then drag a friend or a group of friends with you. Our trainer charges us $5 per session and it’s only for 30mins (for a high intensity work out). We take our kids with us and they play together while the mums work out. You might even make new friends.

And remember, ACTIVE WEAR IS OPTIONAL 😂 T-shirt and shorts is fine. Nobody actually needs fancy active wear to exercise.

Today’s session, someone said, “Oops I peed a little” and we all burst into giggles. Our trainer nearly swallowed a fly and we all cracked up.

Take the first step. Ask your friends. I did. I had a shit day yesterday. But I feel great today. Let’s motivate each other ❤️ One day at a time ❤️

 

I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON

I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.

Nearly all my friends are up by 6am, because their kids are up at that time. They say it’s great because they can get so much done before they actually start their day. What? I don’t even know what that shit means.

People who are super chirpy in the mornings, get a blank stare from me. That’s because I’m imagining stabbing them to death. Or crushing their happy faces with my bare hands.

My whole family knows to not ask me any questions when I’ve just woken up. I’m grumpy, but it’s not because I’m an unhappy person. I just hate mornings. I don’t like surprise breakfasts in bed, because it’s not a good surprise. You’ve woken me up, you horrible people. Want me to be in a better mood? Let me sleep until I’m ready to roll out of bed. Want to surprise me? Offer to cook dinner.

I’m married to a man who thinks waking up at 7am on the weekends is considered “sleeping in”. Granted, he’s up at 5am during the week to go to work, and he does a workout before he starts work. Seriously? On the weekends, he gets out of bed quietly to empty the dishwasher and tiptoes around the house, careful to not disturb my slumber. I love this man.

As a teenager, I’ve screamed and yelled at anyone who tried to wake me. I’ve thrown alarm clocks against the wall.

Over the last two weeks, a friend of mine has been dropping her son off to my house at 6am, because she has to do her enrolled nursing prac. I explained to her about my morning grumpiness and a few days later, she said she had “developed a bit of a complex” with me but have realized I wasn’t exaggerating when I warned her about me not being a morning person! My words to her were “Don’t be offended if I don’t speak or smile, or even say hello”.

I’m a totally different person when she picks her son up from mine in the afternoon.

Of course once my day starts, I don’t stop. I don’t stop to sit, watch TV or just chill. It’s “go-go-go” until the wee hours of the night. I am a night owl. I do my best thinking and writing at night. It is the time when I can truly absorb information.

This is why I don’t work the morning shifts at the nursing home. I have the best shift hours. I do what I have to do during the day, then I start work at 4pm, and I leave at 9pm. I get home, have a shower and that’s when I do my reading, and my writing.

So while all the morning people in the world are asleep by 9pm, my night has only just started. To me, falling asleep at midnight, is me having an early night.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m awake early every morning. I just move very, very slowly, very sloth-like. I show no signs of emotions.

If my house was on fire first thing in the morning, I’d probably burn to death.

I Baked My Son’s Birthday Cake, And It Was Awesome

That, my friends, is a happy face. He didn’t see a single crack in his cake, he didn’t see any of the imperfections that I focused on and he didn’t see the stress I was in nor hear the swear words that came out of my mouth.

All he saw was an amazing Thomas the Tank cake that his mum made, and spent the day with all his friends playing and jumping on a big bouncy castle that we hired.

Yesterday was a very special day for him. He’s been invited to so many birthday parties this year, and could not understand why he couldn’t keep any of the presents and wasn’t allowed to blow out the candles.

We spent months going to Big W looking at Thomas the Tank toys and I had to tell him he had to wait for his birthday. And not once, did he ever throw a tantrum.

And so yesterday, he got to blow out his candles on his cake. He was over the moon. And when it was time to open presents, with EVERY single present, he asked me “Is this mine? Is this one for me?” (And there were a lot of presents lol)

I wanna thank all my friends who turned up yesterday, it was really special for all of us, especially for our little Luke. He woke up this morning still on a high (probably from all the sugar he had lol) ❤️

To all the parents who make their own cakes, or buy their cakes or buy a woolies cake with sprinkles on it, thank you for being you, for wanting your child to be happy on their special day.

This is my Facebook post prior to this blog! https://www.facebook.com/plugins/post.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2F120fingersandtoes%2Fposts%2F1113081225396468&width=500

My Night Away On My Own

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All set for a relaxing evening!

In May this year, I was inspired to write my very first blog about Mothers Day, about how so many mothers wanted to spend that day relaxing on their own. No kids. I don’t understand it, your children are the reason why you’re a mother, why would you not want to be around them on such a special day?

I came across one of my old Facebook posts from a year ago. It was about my birthday and how my husband got me a hotel room for the night. He knew he wasn’t invited, this was gonna be a one-woman partaaay.

I had two babies who were 18 months apart. I was exhausted from them, I was exhausted from working at the nursing home and I needed to rest and most importantly, I needed some silence.

So, for my birthday, I asked… For me to be on my own. And I got it. Adam booked me a room at the Hyatt Regency. My mother in law asked, “Don’t you want Adam to join you? You’d enjoy it more if he was there, I can babysit the babies for you.” I answered, “How would this idea be relaxing for me? I want a room to myself so I don’t have to talk to anyone, touch anyone, be touched by anyone or to be woken up by snoring.”

We compromised a little on the day. Adam and the babies came to the room and hung out for a little while. We all had McDonalds for dinner and then they had a little bath. It was raining heavily and I could hear the raindrops hitting the window pane. How relaxing! Then the babies started crying. No, stop crying, this is meant to be relaxing for me. So I said to Adam, “Right, you three need to leave for me to really enjoy this birthday present of mine.” I walked them all back to the car, gave them kisses and sprinted back to the elevator.

First thing I did when I walked back into the room was fill the bath with very warm water and some bath bubbles. I took my clothes off and laid in there and listened to the running water from the tap. Aaaaah. Wait. I can hear the loud TV. That’s not relaxing. So I grabbed a towel, got out and turned the TV off. See, if Adam was here, he’d want to watch TV and he probably wouldn’t let me turn it off. Back in the hot bath. Aaaaaaaaah. Silence. I never realized silence could sound so beautiful. 

I then laid in bed with nothing but my bathrobe on. I was all set, I had a new book and a family size block of chocolate in bed with me. I found the room service menu, picked up the phone and ordered tomorrow’s breakfast for 7.30am.

I turned the TV back on and flicked through the channels. As I’m mindlessly watching TV with no interruptions, I sent a text to Adam to say goodnight and that I loved him. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even ask if the babies were alright! I started on my block of chocolate, with nobody asking me for a piece or more. This whole block of chocolate was MINE! All miiiiiiine!!

Wait, what? It’s 3am, and the TV is still on. Did I fall asleep? What time did I fall asleep?? I looked around me and I saw that I didn’t touch my new book and I had eaten 3/4 of the family size block of chocolate. Dare I do this? I broke off another piece of chocolate, ate it, and fell straight back to sleep again.

I woke up at 7am. I walked over to the window, pulled the curtains apart and looked out at the grey skies. So it didn’t turn out to be this “one-woman partaaaay” I had envisioned (I’m not even sure what I expected). Did I enjoy this hotel room? Was it worth the money? Did it live up to the expectations of having time on my own? Yes, yes and a resounding yes. I hopped back into bed to watch the morning news. Nobody’s asking me for a bottle of milk or breakfast. No one is crying or whining about something. Apart from Karl’s voice on The Today Show, the room was silent.

The door bell rings and the hotel waiter has my breakfast.

“Gooooooood morning! Where would you like your breakfast Ma’am?” 

I stood by the door and stared at him for a few seconds. I fantasized dancing around the room (like Sister Maria in the Sound of Music) and bursting into song, “Aaaaaaaanywhere! Surpriiiiise me!” 

And again the waiter asked, “Ma’am? Your breakfast? Where would you like it?” 

I quickly blinked my eyes back to reality, Oh sorry, um, on the bed please, thank you.”

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“Aaaaaaaanywhere! Surpriiiiiise me!”


A full cooked breakfast in bed. Sausages, mushrooms, eggs, grilled tomato, bacon and 3 thick cut slices of white bread with a slab of cold pure butter on a little dish. They even put an assortment of little jars of jams!! I didn’t have to cook it and yet it’s sitting on my bed. Just for me. I start digging in. It’s just me, Karl and Lisa from The Today Show.

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“I didn’t have to cook it and yet it’s sitting on my bed.”

That was the single most relaxing night/morning I’ve ever had. That was a year ago. Would I ask for the same experience again for my next birthday? Probably not. Not while this experience is still so fresh in my mind. Maybe again when I’ve forgotten what it’s like? Whenever I tell this story to my friends, I’d always say I’ll never forget how beautiful the sound of silence, sounded. 

I highly recommend this to all mums out there who feel burnt out, tired and exhausted from the demands of everyday life. Yeah yeah yeah, you still love your husband and your kids. But you just want some time on your own to recharge. And sleep on a King size bed, with clean and fresh, ironed sheets. That’s what I had and I’ll never forget it. Or when I do eventually forget, then maybe it’s time to do it again. (I might even allow Adam to join me this time, wink wink.)

 

 

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How To Be The Perfect Mum


Feeling down? Demoralised? Feel like you’re the biggest failure? Well fear not, I have 10 very handy tips for you. 

So you’ve got dinner cooking on the stove, and your kids pull you away to play with them. An hour later, you smell something burning. Ah. Tip #1: Throw the burnt dinner out and get take away! And while you’re all eating dinner that someone else has cooked for you, you can talk to your kids about how much fun you had playing with them! 

You’ve organised for your mummy friends and their kids to come over for a play date. You suddenly notice your house looks like a bomb exploded in there. (It wasn’t like that all week, I swear!) Tip #2: Place all items you don’t want your friends to see into laundry baskets. Put them in the spare bedroom and shut the door. You can leave it in there for a few days to enjoy a neat and tidy house. And if you don’t need any of those items, you can just leave it the spare bedroom forever and ever and ever! 

Siblings fighting? Screaming at each other, fighting over toys? Tip #3: Take their toys off them and threaten to throw it in the bin “If you two don’t bloody learn how to share, then you’re both not playing with it, you little shits!” Then hide the toys in your spare bedroom wardrobe and give it back to them when they’ve moved out.  

You’re really tired, you’ve had a long day and need some peace and quiet. You’ve spent waaaaaaay too much time at the park today, at gymnastics, swimming (or whatever paid activity you’ve committed 12 months to and can’t cancel the contract because they’ll keep making you pay anyway, those bastards.) Tip #4: Let the kids watch TV or back-to-back YouTube videos for the next 3 hours. Or at least until bed time. 

Your teenagers have been arguing with you all afternoon. They’re questioning you everytime you say “No” to them. (The easy “No means no” doesn’t work anymore) Tip #5: Wait until they turn their backs on you, then give them the finger and silently mouth the words “Fuck you.” When they turn around again, give them a big, big smile because you know you just silently cussed at them. Therapeutic!

It’s dinner time. You’ve just tried a highly acclaimed recipe that is “toddler approved”, “a sure winner” and “two thumbs up” for kids. You wipe your sweat off your brow and nervously present it to your child like you’re a contestant on Masterchef. Your child takes one look at it and says “But I don’t like it” and starts crying. Tip #6: Don’t let it get you down. Either graciously put the food away and try again tomorrow or throw it in the bin and never try that recipe again. They can go hungry for the night! 

Your child comes home with a monster sized sculpture made out of recycled cereal boxes and egg cartons. Tip #7: Talk to them about it, get them to tell you what it is (because it’s NEVER what you guessed, EVER. “Is it a dinosaur?” “No Mum…. Can’t you see? It’s a Continuum Transfunctioner!”). Listen to how they put it all together, wait 2 hours, then throw it in the recycling bin. They won’t notice, I promise!

If your children hate getting dressed in the mornings to go to school Tip #8: Dress them in their school uniforms while they’re asleep. When they wake up the next morning… Voila, no fuss. Note: I wouldn’t recommend this on weekends. It may confuse everyone, including yourself. Ever taken your kids to school on a Saturday? It’s shut! 

Children won’t sleep? Tip #9: Turn off all the lights in the house. Every. Single. Light. They’ll get the idea, or they’ll bump into something and pass out. Problem solved. 

Still think those 9 tips aren’t enough? Here’s Tip #10: Learn to not give a shit about what other mums think of you. Because what someone else perceives as being perfect may not be perfect for you. And really, there’s NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT MUM, except for you, of course. And you, and you and you. And me. Don’t give yourself any negative self-talk, never ever doubt yourself and start remembering that what YOU do is BEST for YOUR kids!!  

Lots of Love, 

A Perfect Mum

When My Little Girl Grew Up (And How I Traumatised Her)


For about a year, I never knew who would be walking out of that bedroom. Was it going to be Miss Sunshine? Or Miss Thunderstorm?

5 years ago, my eldest daughter who was nearly 13 at the time, I thought, was a little cray-cray. Everyone at home would be walking on egg shells, unsure of when the next thunderstorm would come.

This girl, in the span of a few years, had to deal with the ripple effect of her parents’ divorce, the hatred between both parents, learning to accept step parents… And approaching womanhood. Poor girl. She copped it all.

I knew this day would happen of course. But I didn’t anticipate it, all I thought was “God dammit, she’s going crazy!” She’d burst into tears at a drop of a hat. I’d say one thing but she’d interpret it differently. We’d have an awesome day with lots of laughs but then she’d break down at night. I was at my wits end. I felt guilty, angry, confused and mentally exhausted. What was I doing wrong? 

Then one day, she became a woman. We did a little dance, I hugged her so tight, I nearly suffocated her. So we did what women love to do. We went shopping! We shopped for hours. We celebrated this new milestone together.

We went to a cafe for a coffee. We put our shopping down, ordered our drinks and a slice of cake each. We were bonding, just us girls.

That’s when I decided to traumatise her. I took my phone out, and googled “STI” images. I showed her images of every sexually transmitted disease known to man (and woman). Poor 13 year old girl nearly spat her drink out – shocked, disgusted and grossed out. “Why are you showing this to me??? Aaaargh! Why, why, why??” I answered, “So you know if you ever, ever have sex, this is what will happen to you.” Ok, drastic, I know. But I’m pretty sure it worked.

She’s now nearly 17, beautiful natured, loving, caring and kind. I couldn’t have asked for a better teenage daughter.

So for those of you with daughters, make sure you celebrate the start of womanhood together. Make it special, your daughters have reached a new milestone.

Then BAM, scare the little bitches with images of gonorrhoea. Good luck and enjoy the crazy mood swings!!