Breaking Patterns

Do you ever wonder why your heart always gets broken? Ever wonder why you can never find the right man, that every man you’ve been with has disappointed and hurt you?

I’d like you to look back at the type of men you’ve been looking for. Can you spot a pattern?

What was it that attracted you to the last guy that you were with? Maybe there was something quirky about him, or the line of work that he’s in? Or you liked that he didn’t quite “live by the rules”? So what happened in the end? Why did you guys break up?

Do you often wonder why your friends have strong and happy relationships? You might ask yourself, “Why can’t I find the kind of love that they have?”

It could be because you keep looking for the same type of men. You may not know it, you may think “He’s different.” But just how different is he really?

Compare your exes with the men that your friends are with – the ones that are in long term, happy and committed relationships. Study their personalities and their core beliefs between them. Compare how differently they react in times of stress, how they cope with their struggles and how they treat their partners.

Did you find that you were constantly having to make excuses for your ex partner’s behaviour to your friends and family? 

Sometimes people are so eager to find love and want to settle down, that they take what they can get. And then they get hurt again and again.

You could try and break that pattern. Because you know what you’ve settled for in the past HASN’T WORKED OUT FOR YOU.

Try going to different places to meet new people. Try meeting personalities that are different to the ones you’re used to meeting. Try different avenues in the dating world. Trust your friends when they tell you they’ve found the perfect guy for you.

You’d be surprised that some men who do not seem “exciting” or “interesting” at first, may end up being so later on – once they’re comfortable being around YOU.

List the traits that all your ex partners have in common (quite often they might even be perceived as positive traits to you). Memorize them, and remember – you have to break that pattern. If your heart has been broken more than a few times, you should now open your eyes to recognize those patterns straightaway.

You could also re-write a new list of what you are looking for in a man. It’s quite possible that the list you have right now, just isn’t compatible with your personality. 

You can change what you’re looking for in a man, without having to lower your standards. 


You could try and better yourself. Find new hobbies, join a gym or whatever makes you happy. Because when you’re happy, you’ll attract positive people.

We all know that there’s no perfect man out there. Nobody is perfect. Neither are you. But know in your heart what you’re willing to accept in a relationship. Know what you need out of a relationship. Be 100% sure of who you are, what you want and what behaviour you’re willing to accept from a man.

Having lots of excitement, spark and lust for each other at the beginning of a relationship usually lasts during the “honeymoon period”. Once that period subsides, a relationship also needs commitment, love and respect for each other. Your job is to look out for the type of men that can give you just that, way after that honeymoon period.

I did a little google search and found Helen Fisher’s Personality Test. Take the quiz and you might find out the right types of personalities that are more suited to who you are.

Do not keep looking for the same type of men, hoping to get a different result each time. 

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“I’m Not 100% Today”

Say these words out loud. “I’m not 100% today.” Say it out loud until you can hear it ring through your head. And when your husband, wife, friend or family member asks you if you’re ok, you’ll be able to say “I’m not 100% today.”

Sure, we must say positive affirmations over and over again. It’s so important we do that. “I’m beautiful!”, “I’m happy!”, “My life is GREAT!”, “I’m going to beat all my challenges today!”

But you know what? Some days are just SHIT. You’ve woken up with a heavy heart and you don’t know why. You can’t shake it off, you can’t look in the mirror and put a fake smile on to face the world. 

And that’s ok. 

But don’t hide your feelings because they’ll fester for days. Tell someone, as soon as you feel it. Don’t pretend and say “Yeah I’m ok.”, or “I’m fine.” There’s no need for that. Be honest. 

My husband was annoyed a few weeks ago. I kept asking him what was wrong and he kept saying “Everything’s fine.” But I knew he wasn’t. He was quiet and a little tense. A few days later, we had a long talk about how angry he was over a certain issue. “Why didn’t you tell me straight away? Why wait this long, until you’re so angry?”, was my response to him. We’ve talked about it and have decided that we are going to try and voice our unhappiness immediately (but gently of course).

The other day, I woke up feeling unhappy. No reason. I was just unhappy. I knew I was going to be snappy. I was quiet and prickly. 

But I did what I’ve never really done before. I spoke up about my true feelings straight away. We’d already had breakfast and I crawled back into bed. He came into our bedroom and I looked up at him and said, “I’m not 100% today. I don’t know why, but I just am.” 

And he heard me. 

All day, he came up and cuddled me. Kissed me. Hugged me. No words, no questions asked, no solutions offered. Just pure love and affection. And I could feel, within a couple of hours, I was back to my happy self again. 

Because I felt loved. 

Don’t be afraid to say how you feel, don’t try and be brave and say “It’s all ok”. You don’t have to yell it out or scream. You can just say these simple words “I’m not 100% today.” This could be something you could talk to your partner about now, to let them know that when you feel this way sometimes, is to just give much needed attention and affection, or whatever you think will help lift your spirits. 

Head over to my other blog titled #MyRescuePlan for more help with your bad days. 

Your Amazing Life Starts Now

Every second you have is gone the moment the next second ticks over.

Every second that ticks over is your chance to change. 

In the next second, you can change

  • Your facial expression
  • Your posture 
  • Your state of mind
  • Your choice of words

So it is your choice to make that change. And in an instant, you can

  • Smile
  • Stand tall
  • Think happy and positive thoughts
  • Speak inspirational words

Make that change. NOW

Could I Really Kill Someone? 

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I had to help 2 other women kill a man. In this dream, this man was not a good person. I’m not sure why he wasn’t a good man, but in this dream, I was convinced that he had to be killed. 

It was only the last couple of years that I’ve not been scared to do things in my dreams. I used to wake myself up if I was scared. But lately, I’ve been brave enough to face my fears in my dreams. 

So I dreamt that I picked up a weapon (I cannot recall what kind it was), and I used it to kill him. I don’t remember how I killed him, but I remember that I did it. I felt no remorse killing him, in fact, I felt like I really helped those two other women. 

After I killed him, I had to hide his body. 
That’s when the panic set in. I was gonna get caught. The police came to the crime scene but I hid at a nearby cafe. The other two women talked to the police and told them they had no idea where that man I killed had went. 

Somehow I managed to escape questioning by the police. 

The dream ended with me getting away with murder. And it felt good. 

What the hell does this mean about my subconscious thoughts? 

You Don’t Need to Shut Your 2016 Door

We all have good years and bad years. Some bad days can last not only for a few days, but for some, it can last a few years. Some years, you feel like you’re on top of the world.

A year is but a number in the thousands. We have let many of those years pass us by. A year is simply made up of months, weeks, days, hours and seconds. We must live in the moment. We must live with each moment being the best moment ever.

Love people. Forgive each other. Care and kindness should always be at the forefront of our minds. Teach that to yourself, your friends and your children.

On this 31st of December, 2016, at 11:59:59, take that step into the new year that you can still cherish the good of all the years you’ve had, and turn around all the bad you’ve experienced. We can do that in the very next second.  Because we all want to be happy, we all want good memories.

If we can’t change what is happening around us, we can change our state of mind. 

Let’s ask ourselves everyday:

“What can I do TODAY to show someone I love them?”

“What can I do or let go off – to bring peace into my life?”

“What am I going to do to pursue my own happiness?”

 

I wish you all a very Happy New Year – filled with happiness, strength, courage and compassion!

Is Happiness Really The Best Revenge?

They say “Happiness is the best revenge”. But after a certain point, I wonder, does the pursuit of revenge make one truly happy?

I’m writing from the point of being divorced about 7 years ago. Then I remarried and had another couple of kids. When I got divorced, my depression spiraled to the depths of hell. The property settlement and child custody battle with my ex husband took a bashing on my mental health. Then I read somewhere that the best revenge was to be happy. To appear happy was the best I could come up with at the start.

After years of working on my own mental health, I learnt that showing my ex husband that I was happy, wasn’t actually making me happy at all. It felt like a competition in my own head that I had to make sure he knew how great my life was. I had to make sure I did everything I could to outdo his own happiness. And the competition was draining.

Of course, I wasn’t exactly pretending. My life – since I left him, really is great. I’m married to a man that is amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better man, husband, father and step father to our children. But somehow, I still kinda wanted my ex husband to know that I was doing fantastic – without him.

When you see children playing at the park with their best friends, you see pure happiness in their faces. They don’t try and pretend to be happy in order for their other friends to think they’re happy. They’re just happy.

That’s when I realized how silly I was.

Did my ex husband care about my current happiness? Probably, most likely – No. So why was I trying to prove something that didn’t need proving?

So over the last 4-5 years, I decided to just be happy. For me. I worked on myself. I still continually find ways to make my life better, to learn to be comfortable with who I am. To concentrate on my own happiness, which led to everything else pretty much falling into place.

Revenge became irrelevant to me. Revenge put a negative slant to my own pursuit of happiness. The need for revenge made my ex still part of my life. And so I decided that revenge, isn’t for me.

And dare I say… I’m even happy for my ex. I’m happy he has a family and new additions as well. 

So “Is happiness really the best revenge”? It may work at the beginning, when you’re still angry… And being angry… is not being happy. You don’t see truly happy people going out seeking revenge. But you can fake it til you make it.

Don’t forget to actually work towards your own happiness and inner peace. Once that is achieved, revenge is no longer relevant, nor will it be in the forefront of your mind.

Pursue happiness for YOU. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Is The Truth?

We only know what we have seen, experienced and been taught. But do we HAVE to accept it as the absolute truth?

There is so much about life and the world that we don’t know about. We can’t be so arrogant as to think we know it all. Everyone’s experience is different and we see the same experiences through different perspectives. Whatever you may feel that is the truth to you, may be the exact opposite to the next person who has been through the same experience.

Your version of the truth is only a small drop in the ocean compared to the collective truths of everyone else around you.

Think big. Open your mind and believe that there is so much more than what you already think you know.

Constantly challenge yourself.

Seek other versions of the truth.

Be open to all possibilities.

-Sharon

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