I’ve seen plenty of positive body image videos and campaigns on Facebook and social media sources – enough to make me believe I should be happy with my own body.
I should. But I’m not.
Now I know I’m not overweight, nor am I obese. But my body makes me very unhappy. I feel like my mind is completely separate from my body. I’m outgoing, happy and positive with every other aspect of my life. I’m confident and strong, and there’s never a moment in my life where I’m bored. I’m constantly busy.
But when it comes to my body, I am embarrassed, I’m depressed and I hate it with a passion. I look in my full length mirror everyday and I hate what I see. I criticise just about every part of my physical self. My tummy, after 4 pregnancies, has been stretched like a shade sail over a family sized swimming pool.
I’ve told some of my friends about it and whether they’re being kind to me or if they actually do mean it, I don’t believe a word they’re saying to me when they say I still look great, or that I’m the perfect size etc etc. A few days ago a friend of mine said to me, very gently, that I’ve got serious body image issues. Yes, I know I do.
I’ve been so down with my body that at times I’ve cried to my husband, asking me why he’s still married to me. That he could be with someone so much thinner and fitter than me.
I know this may seem ridiculous to some. I know I’m UNdoing the work of many women who fight hard to tell the world that we have to accept and be happy with who we are. I know that I should be an example to everyone in my life, to show them that life is not all about your dress size.
At the moment, I can’t do it. I hate that I’ve allowed myself to get to the weight that I am now.
As a young woman, I could out-eat my two brothers. I could eat anything, whenever I wanted, and not put on an ounce. It’s a totally different story now. My metabolism has slowed down as I’ve gotten older. I still appreciate rich foods (ok, mainly KFC lol) and as an adult, I allow myself to give in to whatever I am craving at the time. The weight has now piled on.
But I want to say this. I’ve started doing something about it. If you’re happy with your body, great. If you’re not, the only way to deal with it is to do something about it. I’ve put off exercise for the last 3 years. I go through stages of going out for a run for a week, then I stop for 6 months. But this time, I’m taking charge of my own body. I’m not proud of mine right now and I want to be. I want to be happy with my body again. And it starts now.