I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON

I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.

Nearly all my friends are up by 6am, because their kids are up at that time. They say it’s great because they can get so much done before they actually start their day. What? I don’t even know what that shit means.

People who are super chirpy in the mornings, get a blank stare from me. That’s because I’m imagining stabbing them to death. Or crushing their happy faces with my bare hands.

My whole family knows to not ask me any questions when I’ve just woken up. I’m grumpy, but it’s not because I’m an unhappy person. I just hate mornings. I don’t like surprise breakfasts in bed, because it’s not a good surprise. You’ve woken me up, you horrible people. Want me to be in a better mood? Let me sleep until I’m ready to roll out of bed. Want to surprise me? Offer to cook dinner.

I’m married to a man who thinks waking up at 7am on the weekends is considered “sleeping in”. Granted, he’s up at 5am during the week to go to work, and he does a workout before he starts work. Seriously? On the weekends, he gets out of bed quietly to empty the dishwasher and tiptoes around the house, careful to not disturb my slumber. I love this man.

As a teenager, I’ve screamed and yelled at anyone who tried to wake me. I’ve thrown alarm clocks against the wall.

Over the last two weeks, a friend of mine has been dropping her son off to my house at 6am, because she has to do her enrolled nursing prac. I explained to her about my morning grumpiness and a few days later, she said she had “developed a bit of a complex” with me but have realized I wasn’t exaggerating when I warned her about me not being a morning person! My words to her were “Don’t be offended if I don’t speak or smile, or even say hello”.

I’m a totally different person when she picks her son up from mine in the afternoon.

Of course once my day starts, I don’t stop. I don’t stop to sit, watch TV or just chill. It’s “go-go-go” until the wee hours of the night. I am a night owl. I do my best thinking and writing at night. It is the time when I can truly absorb information.

This is why I don’t work the morning shifts at the nursing home. I have the best shift hours. I do what I have to do during the day, then I start work at 4pm, and I leave at 9pm. I get home, have a shower and that’s when I do my reading, and my writing.

So while all the morning people in the world are asleep by 9pm, my night has only just started. To me, falling asleep at midnight, is me having an early night.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m awake early every morning. I just move very, very slowly, very sloth-like. I show no signs of emotions.

If my house was on fire first thing in the morning, I’d probably burn to death.

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