My Other Father, Gone Too Soon

Me and my father-in-law on my wedding day


It’s 4am. I’ve had to force myself to wake up from my dream. I’ve woken up with my eyes and my pillow soaked in tears. So the only thing I can do now is put my feelings into words. I’m still laying in bed, with my phone in my hands and the glow on my face, blinding my already swollen eyes.

I dreamt that you had already passed and everyone around me were giving me gifts that reminded me of you. And every single gift I unwrapped made me miss you more and more. It made me fall to my knees and cry, my heart ached so much as I cried. It wasn’t only an emotional pain but also a physical pain in my chest. I so badly want to wake from this dream.

I dreamt of your voice, your deep fatherly voice. Your voice that made me laugh, your voice that always assured me that everything was going to be ok. In my dream I knew you were already gone but I can’t understand why I can still hear your voice.

In my dream I knew you were already gone but I still kept looking for signs of you. I searched and searched but couldn’t find any signs. I wanted to feel your strong arms around me when you told me you loved me and my children. Your grandchildren.

I force myself to wake up from this dream. 

I miss you, dear father in law. You were such a big part of my life and now there’s a void in my heart and it cannot be filled. Yes I do tons of things to occupy myself, but, that void will always be there.

Your wife, my husband, your daughter and your grandchildren struggle every single day knowing that you’re no longer physically here. All we have are incredible memories of you. We miss you so so much. So much that it’s crazy. We think about you every day.

I really hope we’ll cross paths again. Because I didn’t get enough time with you in this life.

All I have now are the memories of your strong yet soft personality, and I see it through your son, the love of my life. I can’t thank you enough for raising him to be the man that he is.

I must try and go back to sleep now. And I hope writing this down will make me feel better, but at the same time I don’t know if I want to.

Til we meet again.



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