When My Little Girl Grew Up (And How I Traumatised Her)

For about a year, I never knew who would be walking out of that bedroom. Was it going to be Miss Sunshine? Or Miss Thunderstorm?

5 years ago, my eldest daughter who was nearly 13 at the time, I thought, was a little cray-cray. Everyone at home would be walking on egg shells, unsure of when the next thunderstorm would come.

This girl, in the span of a few years, had to deal with the ripple effect of her parents’ divorce, the hatred between both parents, learning to accept step parents… And approaching womanhood. Poor girl. She copped it all.

I knew this day would happen of course. But I didn’t anticipate it, all I thought was “God dammit, she’s going crazy!” She’d burst into tears at a drop of a hat. I’d say one thing but she’d interpret it differently. We’d have an awesome day with lots of laughs but then she’d break down at night. I was at my wits end. I felt guilty, angry, confused and mentally exhausted. What was I doing wrong? 

Then one day, she became a woman. We did a little dance, I hugged her so tight, I nearly suffocated her. So we did what women love to do. We went shopping! We shopped for hours. We celebrated this new milestone together.

We went to a cafe for a coffee. We put our shopping down, ordered our drinks and a slice of cake each. We were bonding, just us girls.

That’s when I decided to traumatise her. I took my phone out, and googled “STI” images. I showed her images of every sexually transmitted disease known to man (and woman). Poor 13 year old girl nearly spat her drink out – shocked, disgusted and grossed out. “Why are you showing this to me??? Aaaargh! Why, why, why??” I answered, “So you know if you ever, ever have sex, this is what will happen to you.” Ok, drastic, I know. But I’m pretty sure it worked.

She’s now nearly 17, beautiful natured, loving, caring and kind. I couldn’t have asked for a better teenage daughter.

So for those of you with daughters, make sure you celebrate the start of womanhood together. Make it special, your daughters have reached a new milestone.

Then BAM, scare the little bitches with images of gonorrhoea. Good luck and enjoy the crazy mood swings!!