I had a moment of weakness, I saw the Parent Helper schedule on Miss 4’s Kindy class window and it looked pretty empty. Alright, let’s see why nobody wants to volunteer for this job.
So I walked in today with Miss 4 and Mr 2.5, like I do everyday. But today, I felt an overwhelming sense of fear. Fear of other 4 year olds. Heck, my 4 year old scares me sometimes, let alone all 20 of them.
The bell rings and all the kids are sat on the mat.
One kid frantically raises his hand, “I need the toilet, I need the toilet!” Miss Kindy-Teacher says, “Alright, you can go.” 2 seconds later, another kid yells out saying she needs the toilet too. Then another, and another. Then one kid says “Miss Kindy-Teacher, I need a drink.” “Ok, just go get a drink and come back quickly.” 2 seconds later, another kid says she’s thirsty, then another, and another.
While the kids with bursting bladders and parched throats were off, the other kids were talking amongst themselves, a couple of them wrestling each other. Miss Kindy-Teacher calmly tells them to settle down. Why isn’t she screaming her head off? Then she continues teaching these little turds about the concept of “same and different”.
Time for activities. I had to take a group of kids to the interactive board. Trying to get 5 kids in a group to sit on the mat, at the same time, was a full time job on its own. Why can’t they just sit still, god dammit? You little shits. If I got one kid to go to the board, the other 4 start mucking around. And I had to help 3 groups of kids with the same activity. One of the boys showed me a picture that he drew. “Oh wow, is that a picture of your family?”, “No, it’s two dinosaurs!” Ooooops… Looks the “same but different”, I guess.
I’m pretty sure I left the class 10 minutes before I was meant to.
To all Kindy-Teachers, hats off to you. There is no way I could do your job. I’d probably want to punch their cute little faces everyday. I might even “accidentally” trip them. Or I might just end up being a raging alcoholic.
Will I volunteer again? Maybe, if that moment of weakness sneaks up from behind me again. I did enjoy it, I liked the kids, even if they were little shits. One of them even drew me a rainbow. But there’s no way in hell I could walk into that classroom everyday and have the energy and patience that Miss Kindy-Teacher has! Thank you for choosing this profession, you are all amazing!